My Inner Child plays with matches.

YUM!

2009-07-08T01:55:27Z

naughtyaelf showed me a secret black raspberry patch in her old neighborhood. We got run off by mosquitoes, but tomorrow I shall drench myself in bug spray and return with copius tupperware containers and _pick_them_all_. MWAHAHAAAAA!

The Cherubim better watch out.

2009-06-26T04:15:53Z

Michael Jackson is dead, apparently.

Darwin wept.

2009-06-24T03:27:31Z

I spent much of my drive to work today in front of some idiot who was hanging one arm out the window, while holding his cell phone with the other hand. How do I know this, you ask? I could see him very clearly in my rear-view mirror, as the idiot was tailgating me. Why can't the _right_ people ever get maimed in fiery wrecks?

How is babby formed?

2009-06-10T16:39:15Z

How girl get pragnent?

Note: I reject any responsibility for aneurysms caused by clicking this link.

Brain has thought.

2009-06-05T03:33:47Z

Everyone knows that "Breast is Best"; that breast milk is better for babies than formula. But has anyone ever done any research into whether parentally-pre-chewed food is better or worse than commercially prepared baby food? It would not surprise me at all if it were, and if this does prove to be the case, there will need to be a catchy motto to promote this probably-more-healthy practice. The best I can come up with is "Chewed isn't Rude". Any other suggestions?

Well, that's kinda messed up.

2009-06-01T18:20:32Z

Oklahoma drugstore shooting stirs debate over self-defense, turns a pharmacist into folk hero - OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) — Confronted by two holdup men, pharmacist Jerome Ersland pulled a gun, shot one of them in the head and chased the other away. Then, in a scene recorded by the drugstore's security camera, he went behind the counter, got another gun, and pumped five more bullets into the wounded teenager as he lay on the floor.

I have no problem with him shooting the bad guy the first time. Even shooting him again when he was down would have been perfectly reasonable, provided he did it right away, in the proverbial 'heat of the moment'. But leaving the scene, coming back, and THEN shooting him? Not cool. Not only was the criminal no longer a threat to his life, there is no reasonable way he could have _believed_ that such a threat existed. That turns this from self-defense, into homicide. While it's highly unlikely that a jury will convict him, the DA still did the right thing in charging him.

Meme stolen from naughtyaelf

2009-05-28T05:31:55Z

1. Do you like bleu cheese?
Hell no.

2. Have you ever been drunk?
Yep.

3. Do you own a gun?
Nope.

4. What do you like to do on weekends?
Sleep, goof off, engage in unnatural activities, etc.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Generally, no.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Very environmentally conscious. Like the Indians, we use every part of teh animal...

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
Nightmare Before Christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Soda, orange juice.

9. Can you do push ups?
Yes.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
Don't really have one.

11. Favorite hobby?
reading, followed by legos.

12. Favorite novel?
There's so many!

13. What's your favorite shoe?
Comfy Army desert boots.

14. What is your middle name?
William.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
Mmmm, legos.
Mmm, porn.
Mmmm, LEGO PORN!!!

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink.
Diet Coke.
Orange juice.
Beer.

17. Current worry?
I'm doomed, aren't I?

18. Current hate right now?
Those fucktards on Faux News.

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
Shooting people with nerf weapons.

21. Where would you like to go?
Visiting nieces and nephews.

22. Name three people who will complete this:
Joe, Bob, and John. Those names are generic enough I can guarantee that at least one of each will take up this meme, regardless of my own actions.

23. Do you own slippers?
Yes, but I have no idea where they are.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
Brown

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets?
Meh, I guess.

26. Can you whistle?
Yes.

27. Favorite colors?
Blue.

28. Would you be a pirate?
Probably not. Unless there was an evil empire to heroically resist by raiding their commerce.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Random ones.

30. Favorite Girl's Names?
Destiny.

31. Favorite boy's names?
Valor.

32. What's in your pocket right now?
Phone, keys, wallet, pen, pencil, nail clipper.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Boneyard trade paperback.

34. Favorite summer activities?
Aside from those that can be improved by taking place outside, pretty much teh same as my favorite acttivities the rest of the year.

35. Worst injury you've ever had?
Food poisoning.

36. Do you love where you live?
somewhat.

37. Who is your loudest friend?
I think I'm usually the loud one..

39. How many dogs do you have?
None.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Oh yeah. :-)

41. What is something you are really looking forward to?
The digital reconstitution and perfection of our world and its inhabitants at the hands of our hyperevolved descendants thousands of years from now.

42. What is one thing you do several times a week?
Shower.

43. What song do you want sung at your Funeral?
I'd prefer not to have a funeral.

44. Name something or someone you love.
Lamp.

"A special kind of courage"

2009-05-22T16:11:53Z

U.S. defense chief lauds soldier in pink boxers.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates on Thursday praised an Army soldier in eastern Afghanistan who drew media attention this month after rushing to defend his post from attack while wearing pink boxer shorts and flip-flops.
...

"I can only wonder about the impact on the Taliban. Just imagine seeing that: a guy in pink boxers and flip-flops has you in his cross-hairs. What an incredible innovation in psychological warfare,"

The article declines to mention whether he still had morning wood or not. Now THAT would be psychological warfare...

Edit: I have a strong urge to track down that grunt's address and mail him one of these, with a note saying "If you're gonna be a Redshirt, do it the right way!", 'cuz that's how I roll. Alas, that might not be taken well. Still, guy was lucky in his choice of embarrassments; Yes, he's gonna get a lot of ribbing over the years to come, but it'll be the sort of mockery that's mixed with respect. If he plays it right, he'll get free beer for the rest of his military career, and beyond.

This is so not fair.

2009-05-12T21:28:24Z

I SHOULD be studying right now. But I pulled something in my back last night, and I can't concentrate. Wonder if this counts as a valid medical excuse to reschedule finals? Except I'd have to to get a doctor's note, and they'd laugh at me. Boo. :-P

Seems a bit off.

2009-05-07T02:56:45Z

College Student Shoots, Kills Home Invader - A group of college students said they are lucky to be alive and they’re thanking the quick-thinking of one of their own. Police said a fellow student shot and killed one of two masked me who burst into an apartment.

If this story is true, then good for him, I wholeheartedly approve of citizens defending themselves from criminals, with lethal force if need be. However, this story seems a bit fishy. Now, it could simply be poor communication on the reporter's part, but the witness' story sounds more like a badly written action-movie screenplay, than something that would happen in real life. If this turns out to have really been a drug deal gone wrong, I _will_ point and laugh at all the right-wing bloggers who are taking this story at face value.

Edit: I just noticed something else fishy: What responsible gun-owner carries their weapon in a _backpack_? Not only is it harder to draw than it would be if held in a proper holster, but unless he was wearing that pack at all times (or had it within arms reach, and never let anyone else get between him and it), he was violating one of the cardinal rules of firearms use, to whit: KEEP CONTROL OF YOUR WEAPON AT ALL TIMES! Yeah, I've now become convinced the story as reported was almost certainly bullshit, now the only question is whether it was innocent exaggeration by an unreliable witness, or deliberate ass-covering.

I think I'm officially a grownup now.

2009-05-06T16:08:22Z

I actually _cooked_ something moderately complicated, of my own free will, and with minimal supervision from naughtyaelf. Can a midlife crisis be far behind?

My true feelings revealed!

2009-05-04T04:19:31Z

For her birthday, I got naughtyaelf some horrible nasty thorn-bushes. I hope she thinks of me whenever they claw her flesh. ;-)

People to be annoyed with, part 12 billion.

2009-04-30T21:02:58Z

Lab partners who insist on proofreading reports line by line, rather than reading the whole thing first, and _then_ suggesting improvements. "You should mention (blah blah blah)". "I did, in the next paragraph." Or "(Blah blah) doesn't make sense", "It would, if you would read the rest of the line you stopped in the middle of". :-p

What does it say about me...

2009-04-26T04:21:33Z

... That I've recently realized that one of my criteria for romantic partners seems to be "In the event that I become a serial killer, child molester, evil dictator, or telemarketer, would this person have the moral and physical capability of killing me?". This seems to be closely related to "Has this person ever been shot at or otherwise been faced with immanent lethal danger, and if so, how did they respond?"

Referring to small, hand held digging implements by their proper name.

2009-04-24T22:10:47Z

Isn't it funny how in the last few months, the news media has been more willing to use the term "torture" instead of Shrub-era euphemisms? Ironically enough, right now I'm using the word "funny" as a euphemism for something much less neutral involving numerous curses and slurs against their ancestors for producing such gutless hacks who waited this long.

Bonecancer is better than Jesus?

2009-04-17T16:37:42Z

Can anyone remember where the storyline where they put on a play about Bone Cancer being like Jesus and Santa, only better because it was real? And had Princess Diana as a villain? Where is that storyline in the archives?

Edit: D'oh! This was supposed to be posted to the Something Positive community. And they answered: The storyline in question starts here, continues to the next day's strip, then jumps to here for the rest. I think it's one of the better storylines to introduce a new reader to the strip, but then again, I'm depraved.

Take THAT, Meter Man!

2009-04-17T13:10:44Z

If your parking ticket has the wrong license plate number on it, do you still have to pay? I'm thinking probably not. :-D

I am amused.

2009-04-16T16:49:54Z

In my programming class, the teacher, in all seriousness, just explained how typewriters worked back in the olden days...

Happy Egg Day!

2009-04-13T21:57:01Z

And completely off-topic for this most chocolaty of days, this minifig scale replica of the Yamato is FREAKING AWESOME. In many ways, it's even superior to the model of the USS Harry S Truman that was completed a few years back. It's a lot more detailed, thought that might just be an artifact of the model's source having more visually interesting bits that the flat surfaces of an aircraft carrier. It's not perfect, though; The below-decks portions of the model are just structural; where the USS Eisenhower has accurate corridors and compartments. Also, the main guns don't seem to move at all, while the secondary batteries can only rotate in 90 degree increments (some of the antiaircraft guns can freely rotate and elevate, though). But still, it's made of win.

Most bad ass suicide method?

2009-04-09T00:44:27Z

If you absolutely, positively have to off yourself to prevent alien captors from sucking the knowledge of Earth's defenses out of your brain, but want to make it clear how hard-core you were. I'm gonna have to go with car-key seppukku. "Yeah, he took the coward's way out, but he did it LIKE A MAN!" Probably scare the aliens off, as well as depriving them of much-needed tactical knowledge. Any other suggestions? ;-)

Grr...

2009-04-07T00:19:32Z

One of those cliches that's always annoyed me is the whole "No atheists in foxholes" line of bullshit. First, because it's not true, the number of godless heathen's vs theists in the military is about the same as that of the populace as a whole, once you adjust for socioeconomic and educational level of the recruits. And secondly, because of the implication of cowardice. In my book, someone who risks their life _without_ any sort of hope of reward in an afterlife, is a hell* of a lot more brave than someone who's confident they'll be rewarded.

*Figure of speech, of course.

Oddly appropriate.

2009-03-31T03:44:38Z

I drove past a drinking establishment earlier whose sign said"All you can beer: ". I didn't catch the price, though.

Then, 5 minutes later, I had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting a FREAKING BICYCLIST that was running a red light. I hope the idiot gets maimed. That'll learn him...

At what point should one give up on friendship?

2009-03-31T02:09:44Z

Is it when you sometimes find yourself hoping the other person will make some gesture of reconciliation, so you can smack them down? Or is it when you stop feeling guilty for those thoughts?

Edit: I guess having been defriended on livejournal was a good clue, huh? :-P I wonder if feeling some satisfaction that at least 2 mutual acquaintances having lost respect for the individual in question was in part due to their treatment of me, makes me a bad person?

Just wanted to share.

2009-03-28T04:13:41Z

naughtyaelf is _exactly_ the right height for stand-up cuddling. Me being 6' even, and her being 5'1". :-)

Oh, that's ok then.

2009-03-25T15:09:09Z

Insurance companies open to major reform - The health-insurance industry offered Tuesday for the first time to curb its practice of charging higher premiums to people with a history of medical problems.
The offer from America's Health Insurance Plans and the Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association is a potentially significant shift in the debate over reforming the nation's health-care system. It was contained in a letter to key senators.
In the letter, the two insurance industry groups said their members are willing to "phase out the practice of varying premiums based on health status in the individual market" if all Americans </b>are required to get coverage.</b>.

So, if people are _required_ to pay for something, isn't that a tax? And if we're going to have to pay this tax, why the hell shouldn't we pay it directly to the government, rather than enriching some parasitic companies who have a built in incentive to screw us over? After all, every dollar they don't pay out to policy holders, is a dollar of pure profit for them. And now they want us to be forced to pay them? I'd rather just go with a single payer system, this proposal seems to be the worst of both worlds.

Edit: And if someone points out that car owners are forced to buy insurance: Well, yeah, and that _would_ be an intelligent analogy, if anyone was required by law to buy cars in the first case.